grief

In a Cabin called Hope

On Friday, August 16th, I spent the day in the DEEP WOODS. It is a spiritual retreat center located in the woods behind my church. In the fall of 2012, our friends and family helped us to build the 3rd cabin that is available for personal, spiritual retreats.

The cabin is called HOPE.

The reason I was there on August 16th was the 13th anniversary of my daughter, Leisha’s home-going.

Honoring My Grief

Something changed March 31st.

I didn’t think much of it at first until it was April 5 and I was still ‘down’ (exhausted, weak, unable to think clearly or make a decision) I’ve had those symptoms happen before. I struggle with them periodically, but I felt like I was doing better.

And then I wasn’t.

And I haven’t been all month.

I’ve done the things I have to do. I take an extra dose of the meds I need to manage ‘stress’ (that’s what you do when you have Addison’s disease, because my body doesn’t do that anymore.) I muster up enough energy to speak or teach or coach or write-

and then I sleep. A lot.

Being the question-asker that I am, I have tried to determine why I am ‘down’ and why for so long. I attributed it to some new meds I’m taking, or the weather change or … I have a rather long list of things I could mention here.

But then my husband says,

So what made him cry?

Ren and I are part of an apprenticeship class studying Nehemiah. An assignment we have each week is to identify one thing that stands out to us from the study of the scripture.  

What I noticed immediately was Nehemiah asks some men who had just arrived from Judah how things were going in Jerusalem for the Jews who had returned there from captivity. The news wasn't good.  The walls of Jerusalem had been torn down and the gates destroyed by fire.  The people are in great trouble and disgrace. It's in shambles. 

Then verse 4 says

When I heard this, I sat down and wept. In fact, for days I mourned, fasted,
and prayed to the God of heaven.
From <https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Nehemiah+1&version=NLT>

 

That thought caused me to ponder.  Why was his grief so strong? what made him cry?

Today was not the day I thought I wanted!

For a few weeks now, Rennie and I had been making plans to head to Texas this Thanksgiving weekend to be with our parents. It was NOT going to be easy, we really needed to work, but our hearts longed for ‘home’- the first home we grew up in with the parents who loved us to adulthood and beyond.

But that was not to be- and for several days I have physically grieved what couldn’t be and struggled to see what was. Isn’t that how it is sometimes? We get consumed by what we don’t have and we forget to see what is right in front of us. …